Why have we become such a sex obsessed nation? Since when does that act not have a right to be meaningful? Most importantly, why do I get scorned for having a belief that I should wait? I don't judge others for deciding to have sex premaritally. But I choose to wait. I choose to hold on to the belief that I will find a guy who thinks sex is for those who are committed. If I meet a guy that I believe I can commit to, I will be marrying him. So why does make me unrealistic? I don't think sex is just about pleasure, which is what our society has made it out to be. With this act, there is always (however minute) the possibility of pregnancy. I would never sleep with someone I wouldn't want to potentially have a child with, so waiting until I am married makes more sense. If other people feel differently, at the end of the day it is a personal choice. But why do I get judged for holding onto my beliefs? I don't want lust, I want love and I feel like I would mistake the two pretty easily if sex was thrown in the mix. I want to believe that I will be able to find a guy who feels the same way I do. I want my friends to understand that for me, no matter what they say, I will stick to my guns about this and I don't want to be secretly criticized for it. Call me idealistic, call me whatever you want. But respect my choice and my beliefs even if you don't agree with them.

Just thinking about the years that I have known you, I wonder if there was one day that determined the course of our lives together. If there was one day that set the just friends path in stone. In these years I have grown to know your faults, and I have embraced them. I have grown to know your strengths, and I have been amazed by them. You understand me, yet the one thing I want you to understand the most is the one thing you have missed. Maybe I should have spoken up, maybe I hesitated for a reason, but one way or another all that I have wondered can be summed up in "What if.." I know they say you aren't supposed to live life with regrets, but I fear I stand to lose more than I believe it would happen. I know myself and I know you. I am torn between the want for something greater and the joy of just being close to you. Maybe it isn't meant to be, but how will I ever know if I never ask. I want to tell you. I really do. But somehow I think I already know the answer.



And its not me.